Reflections of a Broken Man

On Your Book by StephenMac
July 20, 2010, 5:02 pm
Filed under: Reflections

**Currently listening to a random playlist – Diary of Jane :: Breaking Benjamin – Quite a cool find… **

Psalm 139:16

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

It’s been two weeks and three days since I had any contact with her, and while that’s not really much to go by, I think that reality is finally beginning to sink in that possibly, I don’t even make it onto her radar…

It’s been five days since my plans for post college were shattered (again), and I’m back to square one (again)…

I know I complain way too much, and that it comes from not being thankful about the things I have, and just quite simply being way too selfish, and yet, sometimes, I think, “If I had the chance to write the script of my life, this wouldn’t be it”. This is not the kind of story I like, or want to be in, this isn’t the place I want to be, this isn’t the person I want to be, this isn’t the way things should be… If I had the chance to write the story of my life, this wouldn’t be it.

And yet… there’s no real justification for it. Sure, things don’t go according to my plan… but that’s actually a good thing. I don’t like it, but it’s what’s best. The fact that God is writing the script is actually a comfort, even if at points it’s not at all pleasant. The simple fact is, should I write my own script, the ending will be very messy. More than that, it’s not that God’s script is the lesser of two evils, it’s actually a good script. It’s in my best interest that God writes the script – he delights in writing the story of my life, because I live in his protective grasp, and bring glory to him.

I was asked by one of my youth group on Sunday night, “But can’t we change the story, to turn the bad stuff into good stuff?” And while in some sense yes, we may want to, I think God’s plan which includes bad stuff is probably good. It doesn’t stop the hurt now, but it gives me hope that better stuff is planned. Even if I am floundering now, swirling in chaos, no direction, no sight of land, God knows, God’s in control, and that’s all I can hold onto.



4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I love how honest you are in your posts – thanks 🙂

Comment by katierae

it’s probably because i don’t know how to do it in person… 😛

Comment by StephenMac

well this is a start right 😉

Comment by katierae

p.s. as someone who is usually brutally honest (and hasn’t yet learnt the art of shutting up) I can say that honesty always pays off. sometimes not quite in the way you would hope but its always worth it

Comment by katierae

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